Blessed backwards

We're all blessed backwards

You and me

We all have blessings

We cannot see

Life trips you up

Until you are blind

Blessings are not always

Easy to find

When the world

Presents as unkind

Blessed looks like

Being on top

Until the illusion of grandeur 

Comes to a stop

Your will is disarmed

As your choices are few

And blessings become

Something totally new

Too blind to see

All that was before

We're blessed in a way

That is actually more

Blessed backwards is seeing

The way that we were

As an innuendo

To what we have here

Letting go is a blessing

A painful release

As we grasp at the things

That will set us free.

 It's a beautiful fight

Life can unravel

But that's still alright

It reveals our strength

It's a beautiful fight

Time twists and turns

Til we're dizzy and lost

At the end we wonder

If it was worth what it cost

Enemies prevail

Even under the light

Still we remain

Its a beautiful fight

The mirror is often

The audience of one

Cannot compete 

with ourselves when it's done

Life's perpetual race

Has us tied up in knots

Til her deep pearls of meaning

Are all but forgot

You just lost your way

Its still alright

Life is fragile

And it's a beautiful fight

Fear grips us to death

Til we call out to faith

We find her within

And she saves the say

When answers are many

But comfort is scarce

The whole wide world

Seems up in the air

Never forget how daytime

Is born from the night

Once again you will rise

Its a beautiful fight.

 What fists are for( not violence)

It's an odd question

But fists are for STOPPING words used against you

Null and void

Cold words freeze hearts

Love unthaws them

Frozen references

Frozen refers to yesterday

I was ice queen

Now I'm warmed

What are fists for?

Stopping ugly spells

Unfolding and enveloping

Arms together

Five fingers

United against you

Spewed venom words

Feet crush snake heads

Fists stop ugly sinister lies

Stop right there because

I have an alibi

I don't need to give you an explaination

Owe you nothing

No cross examining

The witness pleads the 5th

Fists are for raising

Victoriously

Laboriously

Lies spill out like slippery oily words

Lying is easy

Lying down

Fists pull me up

Off of sinking counterfeit ground

Fist clench

Refuse to be drug around

What are fists for?

Stopping stupid

Insignificant

Slander

Claim victory

Happily ever after.

 An ode to autumn

Leaves tumble like an acrobat

Upside down they wave

Understanding only

The art of letting go

Crimson foliage decorates

The earthy grassy green

As the air grows cooler now

The sun begins to wane.

Aqua skies give way to grey

Then aqua once again

Insects burrow beneath the earth

its shelter and its friend

Life packs up for seasons change

As frost practices presence

Howling winds interrupt the sky

Announcing her frosty essence

Leaves still dance and barren now

Are the wistful trees

Stripped of the beauty of yesterday

Trembling with each breeze

 What I've done wrong

I'm not self depreciating

Nor am I hating

Because all that I've done wrong

Has gone and made me strong.

What I've done wrong is guess

That I'm something less than blessed

Something less than someone

Life's something less than feeling the sun

What I've done wrong is lie

To myself and look around

As opposed to recognizing

That I'm not lost or found.

What I've done wrong is dwell

On the wrong things I have done

Instead of admitting not perfect

But I'm an amazing someone.

What I've done wrong is been

Afraid of happiness and success

So afraid to strive for

What I know is my best

Poems are always honest

The souls anatomy

There's much more within

Than I'd admit there to be.

You aint takin my crown

 I've heard your tainted whispers

Seen you lurking around

Heard your pathetic false accusations

But you ain't takin my crown 👑

I ain't gonna be the reason

That you shake your head

Your opinion is target practice

My arrows will shoot it dead.

Do not say a prayer for me

That I will find my way

I ain't lost, at any cost

On any given day.

I know exactly who I am

I don't need your definition

I'm no longer going to be

Your gossips ammunition.

You can whisper all your lies

With a disapproving frown

I'm not sure who you think you are

But you ain't getting far

And you're not stealing my crown.

You look upon my essence

With pity and remorse

I see myself in shades of gold

And consider myself a force.

I'm not sure of YOUR perception

But I will make this clearer

Because I see a goddess

When I look into the mirror

Who I am is worthy

Of value, not turn down

You can say what you want to say

But you AIN'T stealing my crown 👑.

.

 B

 If you know

That you are worthy

And stronger than the world deems you

That changes everything

The fuel to the invisible fire

Burning within

So you can laugh dream whatever you choose

With abandon

 Queen of your own world

In charge of your desires

And their destination.

Because you know who you are

Fear takes a backseat and you drive

Unafraid to the next destination

Whatever that may be

Never completely put in park because you know

Plans change

Winds rearrange

Life.

Because you know

Your place in the world

And wear the invisible crown

Given to you at birth

Simple because you are

And always will be

A force in this world

If you choose

You are a 

Healer

Wanderer

Lover

Dreamer

An instrument of grace

In a world in deep need of it.

 Suck it up you don't need a straw

Suck it up

Let me tell you right now

You'll suck at life

If you don't learn how

The world you chew you

And spit you out

Turn your confidence inside out

Don't think you're immune

Cause baby you're not

I'll tell you right now

Folks can suck- a lot

If you don't weed out the insults

The haters and such

You're whole life will suck

Quite a bit much

It's not easy to let things

Roll off of your back

If you don't you will fall

And crumble- like that

Haters will be haters

Always around

Baby, ignore them

And straighten your crown. 👑

You're too good for that bullshit

Too strong to go down.

 Swaying grass is dancing

On fields of sodden earth

Floral blooms romancing

Blown in the windswept skies

Cicadas frantically humming

Wings beating like a drum

Gentle showers falling

Among the thirsty lawns.

Sleepy ardent beauty

Caressed by lazy days

Mother nature lulling

The summer months away.

Icy Navigation

Huddled, the millions
Individuals longing
Lives flashing
Drowning
Luxury waining
As fear crescendos
Some jump out the doorway
Others out the windows
Boats violently rocking
Coats dangerously soaked
Merely moments ago
Bodies beautifully cloaked
Death is never a stranger
Gravity always pulls
As wealth is languidly relished
And life gently lulls
Mere celebration
Becomes tragic in a blink
The illusion of safety
Can in one moment, sink.

Tongue tied
Like 13 year old boy
In front of a beautiful girl
Of 14
Feeling blushful untrustful
Not wanting to be seen
Until I'm up
On a podium
 my words
Written in secret
My cheat sheet
Uttered in public
Suddenly I'm the queen
Declaring truth
Unafraid
Confidence echoing within
Tiptoed, in the center
Of expectant ears
I rise above all my fears
Famous for a moment
In my own mind
Unafraid of failure
I don't stumble
This time.

I am not the storm

I'm not a torrential downpour of anger and fury
I don't fight back
I'm a sunny lake side afternoon
With not much going on
Besides Dragonflies buzzing lazily
And the relentless sun
Shining on the cool refreshing waters underneath.
I'm not the storm
Even when I'm angry
Still even, still....
My emotions poems
And words
So many words
Stirring and shifting within
I'm not a storm
Though I have weathered many
Yet I still shine.

Hagar

Histories destiny
You followed the law
Obedient to a fault
The fault of another
Bearing Isaac's half brother
You didn't have to be part
Of the story of the world
A pawn in a flawed plan
Yet you were
Bringing to life
A new nation
Ishmael's blood
Redemption's adversary
Yet a beautiful seed
A promise in itself
A people longing to be
Redeemed.

Mirror
My eyes reflect light
I see
Receive images
I am not my eyes
My mouth forms words
Speaking thoughts into existence
Breathing, breathing
I am not my mouth
My ears here prayer, plea and petition
Music and melody, all for me
I am not my ears
My feet beautiful, carry good news
Travel and wander
In walking shoes
I am not my feet
My heart beats
Blood's path of life
Transporting oxygen
Feels, receives emotion
Bends, breaks, mends
Pours out love again and again
I am not my heart
You have hands, feet, eyes and ears, a mouth and heart, arms that embrace
I want to believe
That you have a face
Your mind is infinite
You are like me
Yet I am not God
I never will be.

Finding Faith

I lost myself
When I was seventeen
Felt like an ogre
When all I wanted was to be seen
And maybe a queen
Fell in and out of love
And then back again
That moment
And the next
When confusion is your friend
Ping pong back and forth
Cannot make up my mind
I am falling falling falling
Now I am behind
Who am I defending
What I am standing for?
Who I am defending?
Can I handle anymore?
Black eye makeup spilling
Like a waterfall of shame
Is there a balm of healing
To swallow all my pain
Or will I let me feelings
Be victorious again?
I have so many questions
And a road before my eyes
Seeking from within me
Is where my answer lies.

Changes
Happen slowly
Like sunflowers growing
You never see it
But one day
They're taller than a toddler
Bright happy yellow
Round like the sun
Against the iridescent blue
Of a promising sky
That covers the world
Swallowing her cares
A blanket of peace
Over the stirring storms
Underneath.

Me.

Don't mind me
But if you do
I have one request of you
Pardon the dust
Inside my heart
Unless where I am
Is where you are
For if where you are
Is where I be
I know you
And you know me
And you know?
Knowing sets you free.
Don't mind me
But if you do
May I travel on this road with you?

Yesterday

Yesterday everything made sense
And now it's a scratched out page
Flimsy paper
Assaulted by the eraser
Of a shitty nights sleep
Dreamless nightmares
Of grey darkness
Switch current mood to
Not today
Because if I lift a finger
Or say a word
Nothing, nothing will come out right.
So I use silence
As a cloak of hiddeness
Silence is safe
Silence never intentionally hurts anyone
It never breaks anything
not the elephant in the room
But the invisible melody
Lulling frantic thoughts
To sleep
Rewind until
Today is yesterday
And tomorrow is unwritten, still.

As I watch the sun fade away
Into his own shadow
Done for the day
The world closing up shop
As owls take over
The mockingbirds song
Night fades into herself
Like a folded garment
Until shadows descend
Over earth
Cooling her brow
Hushing her worries
Shhhhh
Shalom
Shabbat shalom
Good night
Lila tov. 🌙

It's only a mess

Messes can be cleaned up
But first the fire has to wane
Messes have to run their course
Making you insane
Insanity's storm tatters peace in pieces
It feels like you're inside out
But the emotions it releases
Are without a doubt
Cathartic and important
Cleaning out the mess inside
Emotions can feel like
A roller coaster ride
Everybody makes messes
Everybody's not a pain
Let grace be the umbrella
That catches all the rain
You may be picking up the pieces
Of your disheveled heart
You may fall at times but you
Will never fall apart.

We're gathered at the table
We pray no-one will kvetch
The prayers are lasting too long
When will it be time to stretch
Aunt Ruthies perfume
Makes me want to sneeze!
Was that Elijah at the window?
Or just a spring time breeze?
Can my cousin please not kick me
Underneath the seat?
If he does it one more time
I swear he is dead meat
and by the way, MOTHER!
When is it time to eat?
She tells me to shush!
It's just a minute more
Uncle Morty won't stop kibbitzing
He is such a bore.
I'm not eating the gefilte
Looks too much like cat food
Bubbe says to take a bite
If I don't it will be rude.
We look for afikomen
Cousin Shira takes the lead
But this is my house
She'd better remember
That I'm the matza king
I find it in the cupboard
The little kids burst into tears
Hey, it is my dollar
I find it every year.
The seders finally over
Bubbe coughs, ahem!
I give her a kiss,
She whispers " Next year in Jerusalem!"

Hidden

We hide the afikomen
We find it every year
No matter how it's hidden
Hope is always here.
Afikomen is a symbol
Of greater things to come
The seders grand finale
Seeking, searching fun.
There's a price for afikomen
The rabbi buys it back
There is no price for freedom
And freedoms what we have
We sing the mi cha mocah
And we celebrate
Knowing that redemption
Is never, ever late. ❤

Daily Manna

Wandering in the desert
Miles from the familiar
Even though the familiar
Is captivity.
We know what we experience
And fear the unknowing
Especially the prospect
Of crossing the sea.
Awaken the enemies fury
The one who writes the paycheck
Does he provide the manna
Or is there a higher source.
Should we take off running
Even if we're sick with worry
If we press that button, hurry!
Let adrenaline run its course.
Will there be an outlet
If we forsake the familiar
Plunge into this sea
Of uncertainty.
Will we keep afloat
If we make a run for it?
Will we survive our faith
Or are we fools
Running for our lives.
Today we pound the bricks
Tomorrow we pound the pavement
We're feeling sick and saturated
With what ifs.
What if we all perish
But what if we touch freedom?
Will this all be worth it?
Embrace the question
Take my hand.

Rose

My chains of adversity

Were a catalyst for me

I rose

Nothings else could hold me down

Feet planted on the solid ground

I rose.

The agenda to my demise

Have caused me not to shrink but rise

I've taken myself by surprise

For, I rose.

When sinking sand was all around

In temporary despair I've found

Inside of me is solid ground

I rose.

I'm resilient though I'm not perfect

I know that every trial is worth it

There are time's when I've faced loss

Every lesson has a cost

Faced with fear at times, I've froze

Yet after awhile

I always rose

Rose because I am a story

Risen for a greater glory

Shining is not mandatory

Yet its a choice, I chose.

Life has shoved, has pushed me down

Storms whip the strongest rocks around

I may fall but this I know

After facing it all

I rose.

Titles

Once at camp when I was about 10 our cabin had an unofficial award ceremony. I remember receiving the Quiet award.  Truthfully plenty of people have probably given me the" quiet award" throughout my life not just a group of 10 years olds. It's easy to give someone the quiet award or the loud award or even the obnoxious award. The petty award the Passive aggressive award the rude award. Or even the pretty award. It's very easy to label people.  Its easiest to look at a person make a quick inference and roll with it not attempting to get to know them further.
I'm definitely good at doing that. With a lot of people. Only the people whom I know very well do I know beyond some manmade award.
Yea I've been quiet before.  I've also been loud. Silly. Obnoxious. Petty. Argumentative. Last night I laughed til I couldn't breathe about a silly picture on Facebook.
If I were less quiet my imagination might be less powerful and I'm not sure I'd want to trade that. 
So you can give people labels and titles and make assumptions but unless you know the person inside and out it's most likely not accurate. 
You're not the quiet one. Or the loud one. Or the brave one. The smart one or the stupid one. You're you. A multifaceted individual with a million different habits quirks and feelings. You own who you're are, no one else.

Revelation ( Esthers lesson)

How can you prepare
What do you do?
When the person you know
Doesn't know you?
You have to hide
Where you are from
Because if you don't
Calamity may come.
You never know
How far over the edge
The pot of water
will spill off the ledge.
Will he take kindly
Or will he explode
If I perish I perish
And at least now I'll know.
I guess I could risk it
Because either way
Tomorrow could be
My last judgement day.
Fasting and praying
Preparing my will
For this information
I'm having to spill
There might come a time
When you have no choice
But to answer yes
In a confident voice
No I'm not like you
I'm different you'll see
That we are all the same
If you truly love me
Revelation is scary
For the revealer
The truth is a relief
and finally, a healer
The truth saved the day
The enemy died
And my biggest secret
Is no longer inside.

Get to know the writer! 20 random things about me!!


1 I have fat fingers and don't type well on keyboards
2My favorite color is teal
3I love owls
3Getting a dog is on my bucket list and as much as I like owls getting an owl is not lol
4 I want to live in Israel for at least a year
5 I'm borderline ambidextrous
6 I really like the Spin doctors. Talkin bout my generation here
7 I am Jewish though I want to assume most people already know this
8 My paternal grandma was a twin
9 I'm deaf. Not literally and I would probably pass a clinical hearing test but in noisy places I can't hear diddly shit. This is why I hate clubs. I actually think they are fun. I just can't carry on a conversation in one.
10 I really love the movie Frozen
11. I'm a closet country music fan and now I'm out of the closet 😅
12. Carney Wilson is my spirit animal
13. So are cats
14. So are unicorns
15. I love anything rainbow including LGBT etc 🌈
16. I love the 80s which probably explains number 15
17. Lisa Frank is my other spirit animal
18. I have a lot of spirit animals and I hope I'm someone's someday or when I die I hope I'm someone's muse
19. I have lofty posthumous goals
20. I make amazing chili.  😋

I hate the way you laughed at me
And told me I was wrong
I hate your smug and glib response
That you were right all along
I hate the condescending way
That you pretend to care
And the self righteous way
That you override my fears.
I hate the lessons that you taught
That mixed up my mind
And the way your lessons
Were anything but unkind.
I hate the way you lift me up
And teach me how to fly
The buoyancy that you create
When I am sky high.
I hate your stupid advice
When I'm falling apart
And the really crappy way
That you clean up my heart
I hate the way you catch me
Every time I fall
I hate that I don't hate you
I don't hate you at all.

Just what I needed

I never thought I'd know you
I never thought I'd understand
Exactly just what love was
When you took hold of my hand
I never thought I'd love you
More than my own life
God knew just what I needed
And now I know why.
I was swimming in my reason
In love with what I knew
Never aware of something missing
Something beautiful and true
The joy to be your mother
Has made my heart grow twice its size
I finally understand what love is
When I look into your eyes.
Of all that I have learned in life
And all that i have seen
Knowing you is the greatest
It is my everything.

Time

Trees tell the time
Lush or bare
Their face is a watch
Displaying the season.
Years swallow dreams like a vortex
A toilet bowl of intention!
Years are greedy
Screaming WINTER SPRING SUMMER FALL!
to our lives
The winds of change pushing. Pulling. Pushing us forward towards our ambition
Time is hungry
He seldom crawls towards his prey
Years swallow dreams
You have to weave the tapestry of intention
Into its belly
A flow chart of resistance
January fades to February
Which fades to December
Time is hungry
Ambition its prey
Unassumingly grazing on time
Ironically.
We flood our eyes with Netflix
Grocery store trips
Idle moments of being
We work. Work. Work.
" tomorrow" is our favorite word
We can tell time WAIT
he waits for no one
Jump on this merry go round
Of a restless predator
Shoved the word quality in his face
The only remedy for his hunger
The only way he won't eat you alive.

Winter isn't always fun what with having to scrape ice off of everything and frostbite is a real concern.  But as Disney shows us in Frozen 1 and 2 with a little bit of magic anything can be beautiful!❄

Icy blasts are dancing
Showing off charades
Particles of snow, romancing
Winter wonderland parade
Ice floes are forever
Reaching to new heights
Creation always clever
Enhancing winter nights
Snowflakes fall from heaven
Galavanting all around
Painting pretty pictures
In every sleepy town
Full of joy and wonder
Curious eyes can see
A myriad of beauty
Peaceful poetry.
Rivulets of raindrops
Kiss the frozen skies
Inside of winters slumber
Potential beauty lies
In the silent season
When natures in a trance
Potential energy awaits
The oppurtunity to dance.

It's called growth

It's said you can't speak
Against something you've done
It makes you a hypocrite
We sinned in the garden
Its in our veins
If we don't speak against it
We'll repeat it again.
We're inclined to evil
Leaning into it like a rock
Supporting the revenge filled plot
Looking for justification in the plight for justice.
Until our heart is ready to gasp for peace
Awakened, we stamp a scarlet letter on
Sin we committed yesterday
Others point and laugh
How can you of all people
Attone then condemn?
Taking a deep breath
Searching inside
You answer without an ounce
Of irony or pride
Declaring your faith
That you can change
The heart of God can rearrange
The sin stained heart
And make it new
Even a slug
Like me or you
We're on a journey
It's called growth
Its filled with hurt
But filled with hope
Each day a battle of right and wrong
Sometimes we're weak
Sometimes we're strong
It's called growth
It doesn't come easy
Sin is a part
Of you and me
The first step is to hate
What keeps us from being free
Growth is a miracle
And it starts
When we allow wisdom to change our heart.